I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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