how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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