Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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