Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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