He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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