Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
