Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
