Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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