PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
