"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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