i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
