What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
