after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
