All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
MIDGETS
????
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
