There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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