Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
