His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
