so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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