your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
