I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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