I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
