in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
