I just cut my nipple shaving
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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