Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
