But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
