I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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