The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
