WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
