how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
