Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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