this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
