Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
