Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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