I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
