just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
