Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
