is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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