Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
