respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
