You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
