We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
