so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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