Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
