i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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