My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
