I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
