my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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