good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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