i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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