atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
