you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
