Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
