im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
