I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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