you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
