the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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