i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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