Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
