You're a womanizer and a bitch.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
