Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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